Semi-Stream Consciousness: Mental Dragon Categories
Okay, portrait of Phil... semi-stream... I'm aware I have an audience.. even if it's just google spiders and voyeurs...
I'm not completely mental, like I said earlier, I think one of the biggest discoveries is that I definitely cycle between systems of thinking.
worry+insecurities are only one aspect... of the puzzle. here are various dragons that fight for control in this mind that is Phil.
Worry/Expediency: there's that, the just whatever it takes, expedient, succeserata, go go go thingy...
Philosophy: then there's the whole philosophical, self-glorification, you know, the creating, the doing the right thing, the uber specificity, the Tautrix, trying to get some sort of consistency, or answering the tough questions, pursuit of truth
Nihilism: nothing matters, go do whatever, just let go, suck in, breath out, hedonism up, this is living
Passion-Pursuit: taking a love and running with it, whether it's some art, or some technology, just trying to truly expand the enlightened aspects of some thing, glorification, dramatization, an arc of heroism in a small scale
Do good, chicken-soup: like, go out, help ppl, call your parents, you know, volunteer, act bourgeois, walk the dog, help kids, cure cancer, etc... white.
Those are the active monsters sorta running the show here, there's obviously a bunch of inactive dudes, and possibly a meta dude that's combining and thinking about all of those.
however, I somehow manage to swing violently back and forth between extremes of each of those systems. I work hard / play hard in layman's speak.
Either way, as confused as I am, improved models, better understanding always add new knowledge in my arsenal to do what? control? become happy? nothing is so singular in it's objective, and it all depends on the context of a system that I'm currently on. So enjoy, I guess.
This entry's color is sandybrown to show a bit of a transition from the previous, hotter, deeppink post. I've cooled down a bit, though I'm still somewhat charred. So the fire is gone and we're left with a brown, I could have gone for a richer brown, chocolate, but, I already used that color recently and I want to contrast how much more relaxed this post is compared to the previous, hence the slight wash of this color.