Hi, my name is Shephard

by phil on Tuesday Mar 25, 2003 8:02 PM
FOX News

Hi, my name is Shephard Smith, and I am an idiot.
Hi, my name is Greta van Sustren, and I am not an idiot. I love the ratings and salary coming from fox, but I get this wierd feeling in my heart. Something, I think it might be my conscien.... naaah, good ratings, good money. SOMEBODY, please bring me back to CNN. No, I'm just kidding. I love Fox, no really I do. And I love America. Yes, that's right. Okay, back to you Shephard Smith
Hi, this is Shephard Smith on FOXnews, and I am an idiot. Up next Bill Fucking O'Reilly
Hi, I'm Bill O'Reilly, and I too, am an idiot, but an idiot with pith. If you folks, you know, the folks in the midwest who are sitting around all day pumping us with advertising dollars from health-related products, yeah, you folks--it makes me sound down with the people if I use their language. BUT! I protest. What? No, I hate protestors, but blah blah blah, more talking points, somehow I am right, EVERYBODY's insane, and because it's so obvious to you, the viewer, how right I am, you're on my team. Still, I'm an idiot, but I have pith, back to you Greta
Hi, this is Greta, and we're at War in case you haven't figured it out. The technicians added a flag to the upper left hand corner, waving, gloriously, so you can feel like you're doing something. Oh, why don't you go bake a red cake for red alert day? Back to you Shephard
Hi, this is Shephard, the FOXnews ratings skyrocketed today upon news of pith thanks in part to our military correspondents "embedded" in this war. Our thoughts and prayers are with those who fight in the name of the one true God, the one with a capital G, not A, and as a result, as Bush said earlier, we will triumph over the evil doers. Thank you. Fair. Balanced my ass. FOXnews. I'm an idiot.