Losing Old Friends

by phil on Thursday Apr 10, 2003 7:41 AM

One of the saddest things about aging is losing old friends because as they say, "people change." The common conclusion that's been handed down to me is that the friends you make in college are the ones that last forever while as you readily forget the high school ones.

For me, this has been wrong, and it may be wrong for you too. My High School friends, I feel, will be more permanent because they interacted with me in rawer, baser, and more emotional states. We "grew up together" as the mafiosos talk about their bonds. We're brothers, and as much as I get civilized and matured beyond my younger, more playful side, I will still readily unfurl myself when I'm around my old buddies. I haven't felt I've lost touch with any close High School or Middle School friends, but I know I have with some College ones.

In College, for me, the presiding self was the civilized persona that grew out of a unendorsed desire to fit into what would soon, after graduation, then become the "real world." This is a natural professional adaptation. Joining fraternities are good proof of this process--fraternities must justify their existence precisely to fill this need. Not everyone changes after College. Most stick with their adapted "role" and people become the person that they finished College as. I on the other hand, have always been on a drive for self-modification. I have given up changing my base desires and greeds, but I have been able to make changes to the top soil that do have a significant effect on relationships.

Later, I will discuss what the hyperego arguments over issues of "personal change."

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