My Problem with my problems

by phil on Tuesday Sep 30, 2003 8:19 PM
self-programming, self-programming

What started as a rumor, and is now slowly becoming a commonly accepted fact among the members of my inner mind's society, is that maybe 40% of my problems come from trying to solve my problems.

Someone will criticize me and I'll get a little upset for like a minute. Then, though, I'll get upset at myself for being upset, so much so, and with such frequency, that being criticized becomes associated not just with that first minute, but with the subsequent self-beatings that'll take place thereafter.

I'll fixate on a minor flaws like this for a while. I'll estimate that I've spent months at a time, trying to fix something like jealousy or insecurity.

After about 5 years of active self-engineering, I still get jealous, I still care about what other ppl think about me, I get possessive, I get competitive, I am sensitive to criticism.

At some point, you got to accept certain flaws. It's natural to be envious, natural to be materialist, natural to worry about your image.

At some point, I have to tell myself, "I have and can solve the easy problems, such as procrastination, being an asshole, or being immoral, but these other 'flaws' that ppl complain about, I just have to let them be."