The Iskra? The End of Selling Out?

by phil on Saturday Oct 18, 2003 4:01 PM
passion pursuit

The idea of having a public passion is somehow bearing on me, it's interesting.

I don't know, well my blog is serving a totally different use you know, I'm not purely interested in hits.

but what I'm interested in is truly making something useful.

Unfortunately, my blog has then ceased to become about being a personal reflection of what it means to be Phil... primarily well, I think that's not what people want.

yeah, there's' something tricky about this perspective.

like, I could go back to the old style, you know, of really throwing myself out there, then it'll be a great release for me.

well, true "passion" i'm limiting myself to passions that I think are useful to others as well.

if they're useful for others, that doesn't make it a passion, but I need to tap those passions that are public, and it serves my altruism bent.

like the idea of putting my life into my blog, a total slice of my mentality and thinking is interesting and cool to me, but if I saw some one else's, like, I can't focus completely on that person unless I know them, you know. If there was a lot of emotion involved, then I'd check it out.

like I go to agendacide simply because I'm curious, I feel like I'm actually interfacing with the person.

I am passionate about expressing myself?

not really, I can't do a site on all personal laundry, or insight.

well, I'm just worried, the site is starting to seem less authentic.

I know, lame ass sites would make it just by posting hot links.

am I selling out?

no, not necesessssearliy, like if I genuinely care about making those kind of beats.

like, timbaland, I bet his passion is the actual process, and if he had to make boring beats, that'd suck completely, but I doubt that's what he has to do.

he does what he loves, and I'm sure there's a component in there in loving to really get people moving, at the same time, combined with his love of the art.

yeah, I need to emphasize public passion and private passion.

like, non-publically, what would I like to keep doing.

I'd like to just keep spitting into my blog, all my thoghts, opinons on things, random musings everything.

and it would feel great to me, why do I love that, I love manifesting myself onto the web, I love taking what's in here and putting it out there, it's a good feeling.

I would just keep writing out you know, every little random thing, every musing that came out, you know.

I could run an experiment for a week.

I'm scared about my site though.

you should put passion behind everything though, you know.

yeah, if I post shit I'm dispassionate about that sucks.

it's hard with technology though.

well, I definitely use technology to aid my passions for sure.

yeah, you're being very mathematic as well.

there should be passion behind everything I do.

but what if your passion is to inspire people, then you should feel tat passion in you, you should feel like, you know.

I guess I'm only educated about my personal passions.

technology is not quite the art, you know

well, okay whatever, I'm not ordering my thought properly.

there should be passion behind, at least the final project, you know, in my posts.

I've been writing shit on there that doesn't make sense to me., i mean it does make sense, but doesn't really you know, turn me on.

I mean, if I wanted to be truly passionate, I could put the girl back on there, eh, it's hard personal passion, and public utility, but do I have a desire for public utility.

yeah, I have total access to my personal passions, it's so easy, but it's hard for me to access the subset that is my public passions, you know.

yeah, I need to return back to my "roots"

t's a very tricky process for me.

yeah, okay you hit on a good aspect.

yeah, I'm not reealy putting my passions out there in my blog.

I'm just re-sprouting crap out there.

okay, too much meta thinking.

so, what should I do.

well, Yeah, I'm seeing the limits of y curent "strategize" my blog, how can I get more stuff out there.

you know, I'm calculating.

yeah, I'm definitely throwing my passions with regard of the tech side of things' but okay.

yeah, I think that's a good strategy, why don't you experiment for a week, see how it goes?

yeah, I hear you, you're scared, scared about whether ... you know.

whatever, that's exacly it, you've become dependent now on the dispassionate selling-out stuffisms.

go back to the source, go back to the pure "passion" and not what you may calculate you might be passionate about.

aboost the public passions, or mark it up

you know, but unless you feel inside a true passion, you shouldn't be posting.

yeah.

as a rule, that makes sense with my principles.

like my blogfabric looks like crap lately because I'm not really posting things that feel good to me, or rather, I'm posting from these "drafts" man, screw that.

yeah, I don't like the drafts thing, well I tried it for a little while, it's too mechanical, I'm trying to buy my way into the popularity, that's just like running a business.

My blog is not a business, it's a channel for art, for self-expression, and if I go deeply into a passion, then good things will happen.

I'll just, if I find a passion that I think also has public utility, I should boost that one so that eventually becomes to the forefront.

yeah, no more stabbing in the dark, I shouldn't try to "guess" what my passions are and produce, but just start cutting from the heart.

I think it's worth an experiment, lets' see. ....

I'm nervous, I keep changing my blog.

hah, it reminds me of what I have to do with my life, how I keep changing my system.

anyways..

even a private passion manifest would be good enough, you know that..

think about the odyssey.

yeah, what am I doing, wasting my time.