Old Guard v. New Guard LOVE

by phil on Friday Jan 9, 2004 7:47 AM
Me Me Me

My goal is to be a millionaire by the time I'm 18

That was my mantra when I was 15. Let's call that the Old Guard.

One must continuously pursue his passions from the get go.

That's my current mantra that I've had since I was 20 (I'm close to 22 now). Let's call that the New Guard.

The intersection between these two manifested wonderfully when I was reflecting on my relationship with women today.

The past 4 years or so has been the undoing of habits that I developed in the Old Guard. Such habits involved an over-obsession with possessions. To me, back then, a man's worth was equivalent to his line-of-credit.

That path didn't satisfy me for long, so I inevitably decided to trot down unbeaten paths. I wanted to find paths that could truly fulfill me. It seems now, as my personal story unfolds, that the pursuit of passion and purpose are important components that make life worth living--as opposed to running up the counter on your balance sheet or accumulating toys.

The process of change has been mega-gradual. Old Guard habits have been dismantled piecemeal. Only recently, did I settle down on myself and say, "YO, I only need money inasmush as it gets me financial independence." Words are only worth the action that backs them, so I've even rejected post-graduation opportunities that don't align with my passions.

I initially thought the Old Guard v. New Guard changes were only going to manifest with regard to my labors of production, like (business v. art). This morning, however, I've been surprised by seeing the transition affecting my view on relationships and women.

It occured to me that I keep going for girls that I'm only partially interested in and who aren't super interested in me. I also seem to give short shrift to the girls that I actualy have good times with.

There is this disconnect between girls I conceptually want, and girls I am actually happy with.

And then I also noticed that my mental criterion that I'd passively use to judge women conflicted with the lifestyle-choices that a passion-based living would entail....

- Physical attractiveness
- Nice, good personality etc..
- Smarts, classy...

Basically, in the Old Guard, I was looking for someone who I could bring to CEO-parties. Yeah, I know, it sounds MUTHAF**KING cruel, but it's the open-wounded truth.

- Tolerance of alternative lifestyles
- Someone who makes me feel comfortable

In other words, now I'm looking for the "yin in my yang" if you will.

Oh, clarification: by the word now I mean, "YO, this is actually what I should be paying attention to".... for my current behavior contradicts with what I endorse.

I endorse the passion-based life, and I don't endorse the norms that society and parenting have made me believe. Really, my behavior is that of Pavlovian fawning over arbitrarily, pre-programmed desideratum. I shouldn't say arbitrarily though, for it seems the incorrect Old Guard "vision" I have for girls matches well with the Old Guard lifestyle that I was on.

On a related note.

Discussion with BAO...

with regards to priorities in the opposite sex.... she mentioned that "how you feel with the person now is the best evidence for whether your relationship will be successful." She gave me the impetus to conclude that your current feelings around someone should be given equal, if not more weight, than what you can conclude about the person objectively/conceptually.

||||| ONE cannot abandon completely the objective though.... they tell girls, "You can as easily fall in love with a rich man as you can a poor man" ... and so one shouldn't recklessly abandon their love to their short-term passion... So in summary, you should place an ever so slight emphasis on qualities you imagine your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend to have, but then focus the rest of your attention on your eXPerience with that person.

Re-educating my mental ideal to match what is truly important---now that's the tricky part.

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