Random Collegiate Reflection: Welcome to the Great Landromat

by phil on Tuesday Mar 9, 2004 12:30 AM
college

I was driving past my freshman dorm (Gavilan) the other night and the first thought that came to my mind was: "Man, I felt small back then."

In contrast to how I feel now, I felt back then like I was dirt in the toenail of a sleeping giant.

To get to our dorm rooms, we had to negotiate layers of staircases and hallways until we got to our 100-occupancy locker room. The filling cabinet called my dorm room was small, and rightfully so. Just as gems are made when rocks undergo considerable pressure, as freshmen we were compressed heavily in order to undergo metamorphosis.

College is like a washing machine. It tumbles you around with all the other dirty socks, letting you shake off whatever threats to your future career you may have: promiscuity, drug use, alcoholism, and laziness. In four years you come out like a fresh car from the wash, ready to drive the glistenin' road.

See, that's what I feel college is all about... that shine. It's designed to give you that golden look... you know, that look one has when he has the perfect haircut, the latest trendy clothes, good posture, and a zestful feel. College is not just a "piece of paper" degree, but dettergent to shape you up to be part of the middle to upper classes.

There must be some reason corporations want college grads. My theory is that the education itself doesn't matter, but rather companies want to hire classy people because people with power will always seek to maintain it. So it's better that power concentrates into our business, not into our competitors'.