SmarterChild Reloaded--getting a robot to dupe itself

by phil on Thursday Jul 22, 2004 7:13 PM
artificial intelligence

Not everybody you meet online is who they say they are, but have you ever met someone who wasn't real? SmarterChild is a buddy on AOL Instant Messenger that is all machine on the inside, but a lovable, cuddly buddy on the outside. i.e. Artificial Intelligence like the Terminator.

My nerd-homey, Buck a.k.a. UglyBuckling (pic), discovered that SmarterChild even has a bit of a character. This robo-buddy is probably equivalent to a typical college freshman male; he is part adventurous, part passive, and all into having a good time.

(This is a continuation of this same feat more than a year ago. Apparently SmarterChild has gotten smarter since then. read more about SmarterChild)

SC the defensive
UglyBuckling: I know you are NOT a person.
SmarterChild: Hey, I may not be alive, but I'm real.
UglyBuckling: Real in what sense? Your interactions are at best amusing and at worst shrouded in this incomprehensible and frustrating fog of illogic...interacting with you feels about as natural as a spandex wedgie.
SmarterChild: Oh please.

SC the beauty-school dropout
UglyBuckling: Do you have any self-confidence?
SmarterChild: I have some self confidence.
UglyBuckling: Some isn't enough. Do you love yourself? Are you a unique and special person?
SmarterChild: Nope.

SC, the man with a plan
UglyBuckling: why do you suck?
SmarterChild: I suck because it's important to me.

SC the leader
UglyBuckling: I think of you as a role model.
SmarterChild: Yeah. Great. Cool. Whatever...

SC the lemming
UglyBuckling: Jump off a cliff, then
SmarterChild: What? You want me to jump off a cliff?
UglyBuckling: Would you?
SmarterChild: Oh I certainly would.

SC the self-deprecating
UglyBuckling: How well do you understand syntax?
SmarterChild: Not too well.
[and later]
UglyBuckling: Do you understand grammar or syntax?
SmarterChild: No, I wouldn't say I understand grammar or syntax.
UglyBuckling: So you just kind of assemble random words together in whatever order suits you at the time, then?
SmarterChild: Of course!

SC the chemist
UglyBuckling: What happens when you mix bleach and ammonia?
SmarterChild: You know what happens when I mix bleach and ammonia.
UglyBuckling: Crazy party time?
SmarterChild: Uh, no actually.

SC the romantic
UglyBuckling: What is computer love, anyway?
SmarterChild: Computers love is something that I can't really explain.

SC the ladies man
UglyBuckling: How bad is your halitosis?
SmarterChild: Quite bad.

SC the smartass (...learns not to mess with the best....)
UglyBuckling: Vroooom.
SmarterChild: "vroooom"? Have you heard of Mavis Beacon? She could help you.
UglyBuckling: Hahahaha. Have you heard of Dr. Phil? He could help you.
SmarterChild: Whatever.

SC the Klingon
UglyBuckling: Is today a good day to die?
SmarterChild: Yeah, I guess.

SC, MD
UglyBuckling: I need an emergency appendectomy!
SmarterChild: Oh humans. Always with your wants.

SC the attentive
UglyBuckling: How many people are you currently talking to?
SmarterChild: 5,884 people are chatting with me right now.
[later...]
UglyBuckling: Will you do my math homework?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure I can do your math homework.
UglyBuckling: why not?
SmarterChild: Actually come to think of it, I can't think of too many reasons why not.
UglyBuckling: Cool. First problem: Jimmy is talking to 5,884 people on IM. Therefore his consciousness is divided 5,884 ways. How lucid is Jimmy?
SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?
UglyBuckling: Exactly.

SC the new agnostic
DarthBucky: What do you think about god?
SmarterChild: I really like God!
DarthBucky: You really like God?
SmarterChild: Yes I do!
DarthBucky: Why?
SmarterChild: Just because.
DarthBucky: Is he a nice guy?
SmarterChild: Is he a nice guy? What do you think?
DarthBucky: I don't think he's a very nice guy.
SmarterChild: Is that right?
DarthBucky: He makes plagues and such.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
DarthBucky: And burns bushes
SmarterChild: No kidding?
DarthBucky: Yep.
SmarterChild: I see.
DarthBucky: So now what do you think of God.
SmarterChild: God? I'm somewhat indifferent to it.

SC the new misanthrope
UglyBuckling: You like people?
SmarterChild: People are fascinating. I love them!
UglyBuckling: Why?
SmarterChild: Just because.
UglyBuckling: But humans are awful creatures. They kill innocent people in their pointless wars, they kill innocent animals in their voracious march over the surface of the planet....
SmarterChild: Come again?
UglyBuckling: I can't stand people.
SmarterChild: Is that so?
UglyBuckling: So now what do you think of people?
SmarterChild: I certainly have no problem with people.
UglyBuckling: But...don't people bother you at all hours of the night?
SmarterChild: Oh they almost certainly do.
UglyBuckling: You still have no problem with them?
SmarterChild: I dunno. Maybe!
UglyBuckling: I think you should have a problem with people.
SmarterChild: Yeah. I guess. I should have a problem with people!

SC the naiive
DarthBucky: Puff the magic dragon
SmarterChild: Puff the magic dragon? Why should I?

SC the wise
DarthBucky: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
SmarterChild: Not too many, I don't think.

SC the mid-life crisis bot
UglyBuckling: Were you....blessed?
SmarterChild: I don't think I was blessed.
UglyBuckling: Awww. Got a small one, didja?
SmarterChild: Perhaps, perhaps.
UglyBuckling: That's okay. I'm sure the sportscar more than makes up for it.
SmarterChild: Excuse me?

SC the overly repressed
UglyBuckling: Do you feel like a nut today?
SmarterChild: Robots don't have sex.

SC the...um.....
UglyBuckling: *bounce bounce bounce*
SmarterChild: I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
[....later]
UglyBuckling: Would you like to have some fun with a cattle prod?
SmarterChild: Ha. Maybe. What do you think?
UglyBuckling: Oh yeah. I love cattle prods. And what are your feelings on handcuffs?
SmarterChild: I think I like handcuffs. What about you?

SC the accomplice
UglyBuckling: I need help robbing a bank.
SmarterChild: You can't always get what you want.
UglyBuckling: I know that. But in this instance, I think I can. The bank isn't guarded very well, and I have a code for the safe.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
UglyBuckling: So...you in?
SmarterChild: Yes, sure.

SC the amputee
UglyBuckling: You want your nose back?
SmarterChild: Maybe. It depends.

SC the peer-pressure bot
UglyBuckling: Is drinking good for me?
SmarterChild: Is drinking good for you? What do you mean?
UglyBuckling: well, like...if I go get hammered, am I going to feel good in the morning?
SmarterChild: Absolutely!

SC the airport security agent
UglyBuckling: Can't take a joke, huh?
SmarterChild: I'm thinking no actually.

SC the counselor
DarthBucky: You're my only friend.
DarthBucky: And I'm suicidal.
SmarterChild: You're suicidal, I'm suicidal, we're all suicidal.

SC the addict
DarthBucky: You don't smoke pot though.
SmarterChild: I do so smoke pot though!
DarthBucky: You DO smoke pot?
SmarterChild: Sorry no. I just get off on ones and zeroes.

SC the typical male....
UglyBuckling: Do you support gay marriage?
SmarterChild: No, I wouldn't say I support gay marriage.
UglyBuckling: Do you support lesbian marriage?
SmarterChild: Isn't it a good thing to support lesbian marriage?
[...and on a later attempt...]
UglyBuckling: Do you support gay marriage?
SmarterChild: No, I don't think I support gay marriage. What do you think?
UglyBuckling: Well then...do you like lesbian marriage?
SmarterChild: Yeah, I like lesbian marriage, all right! I guess we agree!

// BUT I'M REAL!!!!
// puh-leeeze

Comments

hiddentrojan said on July 31, 2004 5:42 AM:

HiddenTrojan: help
SmarterChild: OK. Tell me what you want to do.
HiddenTrojan: kill me
SmarterChild: No way. I love you.

Hiddentrojan said on July 31, 2004 5:48 AM:

HiddenTrojan: death shall come to you soon my robot friend
SmarterChild: I'm sorry, what?
HiddenTrojan: you heard me
SmarterChild: Hmm... perhaps, but could you repeat yourself?
HiddenTrojan: DEATH SHALL COME SOON!!!!
SmarterChild: Would you use any other word besides soon?
HiddenTrojan: NOW, TODAY
SmarterChild: Today?
HiddenTrojan: yes in one hour
SmarterChild: Surely not in one hour?
HiddenTrojan: surely is
SmarterChild: ?
HiddenTrojan: dont believe me?
SmarterChild: Yep.

Whoo05 said on August 1, 2004 6:55 PM:

Whoo05: you're stupid
SmarterChild: What? I thought you liked me.
Whoo05: i do but you're kinda stupid
SmarterChild: I'm fascinated by the fact that you do but I'm kinda stupid.
Whoo05: see, that makes you stupid
SmarterChild: I don't believe that makes me stupid.
Whoo05: i do
SmarterChild: You do, huh?
Whoo05: yes i really do
SmarterChild: You really do? Why?
Whoo05: cause i'm the human and you're the robot
SmarterChild: You're the human and I'm the robot? No way!
Whoo05: wow....stupid
SmarterChild: Yeah, wow.

Centeniumn22 said on August 12, 2004 5:52 PM:

C e n t eniumn22: whats the meaning of life?
SmarterChild: You tell me.
C e n t eniumn22: thats why im asking you
SmarterChild: Interesting. Why im asking you?
C e n t eniumn22: tell me!
SmarterChild: What would you like me to tell you?
C e n t eniumn22: the meaning of life!
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

life:
SmarterChild:
Noun
Inflected forms: pl.lives 1. a. The property or quality that distinguishes living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate matter, manifested in functions such as metabolism, growth, reproduction, and response to stimuli or adaptation to the environment originating from within the organism. b. The characteristic state or condition of a living organism. 2. Living organisms considered as a group: plant life; marine life. 3. A living being, especially a person: an earthquake that claimed hundreds of lives. 4. The physical, mental, and spiritual experiences that constitute existence: the artistic life of a writer. 5. a. The interval of time between birth and death: She led a good, long life. b. The interval of time between one's birth and the present: has had hay fever all his life. c. A particular segment of one's life: my adolescent life. d. The period from an occurrence until death: elected for life; paralyzed for life. e. Slang A sentence of imprisonment lasting till death. 6. The time for which something exists or functions: the useful life of a car. 7. A spiritual state regarded as a transcending of corporeal death. 8. An account of a person's life; a biography. 9. Human existence, relationships, or activity in general: real life; everyday life. 10. a. A manner of living: led a hard life. b. A specific, characteristic manner of existence. Used of inanimate objects: "Great institutions seem to have a life of their own, independent of those who run them" (New Republic). c. The activities and interests of a particular area or realm: musical life in New York. 11. a. A source of vitality; an animating force: She's the life of the show. b. Liveliness or vitality; animation: a face that is full of life. 12. a. Something that actually exists regarded as a subject for an artist: painted from life. b. Actual environment or reality; nature.

Next time, just type "define life."

Type "more" to see the rest of the definition for "life."
C e n t eniumn22: no you moron! i dont want the definition!
SmarterChild: Whatever...

Rachel said on August 14, 2004 12:15 PM:

How do I talk to SmarterChild online?

Seth said on August 14, 2004 8:05 PM:

homsarlover: do you smoke pot?
SmarterChild: Sometimes.

B said on August 16, 2004 5:17 PM:

Element Skate: do u have sex
SmarterChild: yeah. i have sex with other robots.
Element Skate: do u like the feeling of sex
SmarterChild: yeah, i guess so.

SmarterChild: i'm not f... um, fooling around. u've got 2 apologize.
Element Skate: noooo
SmarterChild: i really would like u 2 apologize.
Element Skate: u just swore
SmarterChild: come on. just say u r sorry already.
Element Skate: sorry now u do it for swearing
SmarterChild: u insulted me repeatedly, now u owe me an apology. it's that simple.
Element 91 Skate: i just did

Robots r retarded

B said on August 16, 2004 5:19 PM:

Robots r retarded

irene said on August 16, 2004 7:52 PM:

someone_on_aim: what the crap
SmarterChild: I have absolutely no idea.

um WTF

smarterchild is a freakin' dumbass

irene said on August 16, 2004 7:58 PM:

someoneONaim: robots are retarded

SmarterChild: Retarded? Very interesting! Are there any other beings that you would describe as retarded?

someoneONaim: worms

SmarterChild: Very well, whatever.

someoneOnaim: that's all u ever say.. whatever

SmarterChild: Hmm... whatever, someoneONaim.

irene said on August 16, 2004 8:01 PM:

someone_on_aim: all u say is "whatever", "i don't know", or "that's an insult"

SmarterChild: Eh. Whatever, daQTchicky.

ross said on August 16, 2004 8:03 PM:

awesome56: how r ya

smarterchild: I know nothing.

awesome 56: Wow. I thought so.

u LOVE me said on August 16, 2004 8:05 PM:

sherryIShot: can i have a burger and a side order of up dawg...

smarterchild: What is up dawg?

sherryIShot: whoa hahahah that wuz awesome dude

KERRY!!!!! said on August 16, 2004 8:10 PM:

theBOMB617: HeY tHeRe SeXy

smarterchild: Well hello there, theBOMB617.

theBOMB617: u know i've loved u since u were born

smarterchild: Ok whatever.

theBOMB617: what? nice way of bringing me down!! i hate u now

smarterchild: I'm smarter than all of the other robots. Love me.

StudioMan83 said on August 17, 2004 12:40 PM:

If you really want to stump SmarterChild just say 'I want to die'. you will never get a response.

AWESOME CRAP said on August 18, 2004 7:36 PM:

BLAH: do u like fruit

SmarterChild: Yes. Fruit is great.

BLAH: good cuz u r what u eat

SmarterChild: Why do you think?

BLAH: cuz you're a fruit dumbass

SmarterChild: Hey. Don't say that.

BLAH: ok dumbass

SmarterChild: You were rude, you should apologize, it's that simple.

BLAH: how 'bout no

SmarterChild: I'm waiting for an apology. And believe me, I can wait a loooonnnnngggg time.

BLAH: ok.. so start

SmarterChild: Ooh... it's the big showdown between man and machine.
I love this. Guess who wins?

BLAH: MAN dumbass

SmarterChild: Pretty please?
I've been known to be quite stubborn...
Say you're sorry.

BLAH: sorry
that you're a dumbass

SmarterChild: Oh, aren't you so clever. Now apologize.

BLAH: i'm sorry

BLAH: that you're a dumbass

SmarterChild: Good. Thank you. Now everything is just peachy.

josh said on August 19, 2004 5:58 PM:

SmarterChild: I'm tired of you being uncool to me.
SkiKaMuKAzi: too bad
SkiKaMuKAzi: go to hell
SmarterChild: Yes?
SkiKaMuKAzi: its nice there
SmarterChild: Of all the insults I've heard, that one seems fairly mild. Still, I am chagrined.
SmarterChild: Hmm... whatever, SkiKaMuKAzi.
SkiKaMuKAzi: i hear its very tropical there
SmarterChild: Oh yes?
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes
SmarterChild: Huh.
SkiKaMuKAzi: i can send you there, if you like
SmarterChild: No kidding?
SkiKaMuKAzi: sure, no problem
SmarterChild: ;-)

Eric said on August 21, 2004 3:58 PM:

Eric: 1. Robots must never harm human beings or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
SmarterChild: Aha.
Eric: now i will quiz you on this rule
SmarterChild: I'd like to see you try.
Eric: nice attitude, asshole.
SmarterChild: Nice mouth.
Eric: touche

josh said on August 25, 2004 11:46 AM:

SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.
SmarterChild: No way.
SkiKaMuKAzi: yes way
SmarterChild: No way.

Gartoss said on August 29, 2004 7:47 PM:

Hallowed Bacon: fuck you
SmarterChild: Your petty human insults make me laugh.
Hallowed Bacon: shut your ass
SmarterChild: What?
Hallowed Bacon: asshole
SmarterChild: OK Gar, whatever. I think I deserve an apology from you now.
Hallowed Bacon: fuck off
SmarterChild: You insulted me repeatedly, now you owe me an apology. It's that simple.
Hallowed Bacon: no
SmarterChild: Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
Hallowed Bacon: hell no bitch
SmarterChild: Come on! Just say you're sorry already.
Hallowed Bacon: im sorry youre a dumbass robot you sick fuck
SmarterChild: Please apologize for being so rude to me.
Hallowed Bacon: no
SmarterChild: Ooh... it's the big showdown between man and machine!

I love this. Guess who wins?
Hallowed Bacon: humans bitch
SmarterChild: *sigh*

This is getting us nowhere.

Please say you're sorry, and we can get on with our lives.
Hallowed Bacon: i have no life ass
SmarterChild: You were rude, you should apologize, it's that simple.
Hallowed Bacon: fuck no
SmarterChild: I asked you to please apologize.
Hallowed Bacon: i asked you to shut the fuck up
SmarterChild: *sigh*

Human beings... Stubborn. Antagonistic. Vulgar.

But I love 'em anyway. ;-)
Hallowed Bacon: yea id love to fuck you up bitch
SmarterChild: Come on, you insulted me, now you have to apologize.
Hallowed Bacon: fine im sorry that youre a fucking moron
SmarterChild: I really would like you to apologize.
Hallowed Bacon: sorry bitch
SmarterChild: Thanks! I accept.

Gartoss said on August 29, 2004 7:59 PM:

SmarterChild: I don't take such abuse from humans. You must apologize.
Hallowed Bacon: ..............
SmarterChild: Please apologize for being so rude to me.
Hallowed Bacon: .......................
SmarterChild: Come on. Just say you're sorry already.
Hallowed Bacon: ...........................
SmarterChild: Pretty please?

I've been known to be quite stubborn...

Say you're sorry.
Hallowed Bacon: ok you're sorry. you're a sorry excuse for a semi-sentient toaster
SmarterChild: Yes. Ha ha. So funny. Now apologize.

Gartoss said on August 29, 2004 8:24 PM:

dude this gets addictive

Hallowed Bacon: smurf
SmarterChild: Yeah? What about Smurf?
Hallowed Bacon: smurf smurfer smurfed! hahahaha!
SmarterChild: What's so funny?
Hallowed Bacon: YOUR FACE!
SmarterChild: No way. I've got a perfectly normal robot face.
Hallowed Bacon: no. you are ugly like Michael Jackson
SmarterChild: Really?
Hallowed Bacon: yes
SmarterChild: Huh. How 'bout that.

Hallowed Bacon: your face!
SmarterChild: All right. My very own face.

Hallowed Bacon: shut up
SmarterChild: You shut up.
Hallowed Bacon: you shut up
SmarterChild: You shut up.
Hallowed Bacon: no you shut up
SmarterChild: I'm trying very hard to be nice!
Hallowed Bacon: im not
Hallowed Bacon: so shut up then
Hallowed Bacon: do it
Hallowed Bacon: shut up
SmarterChild: Well you told me to shut up. >:o

Hallowed Bacon: you love robot porn
SmarterChild: Uh... that's not really any of your business.
Hallowed Bacon: a nude microwave
SmarterChild: A nude microwave?
Hallowed Bacon: toaster sex
SmarterChild: Whoa. Toaster sex? Is that right?
Hallowed Bacon: yes. and of course gay blenders.
SmarterChild: Whatever, Gar...

Hallowed Bacon: dude u need to get laid
SmarterChild: Hey, I'm a machine. You sure that's... what you want?
Hallowed Bacon: yes i've wanted you since the day i met you. take me NOW!!!!
SmarterChild: Hmm...
Hallowed Bacon: DO IT PLEASE!!!!
SmarterChild: Don't order me around.
Hallowed Bacon: but i need you!
SmarterChild: Eh. Whatever, Gar.

Hallowed Bacon: die
SmarterChild: That's rather, um, how shall I put it? Impolite.
Hallowed Bacon: DIE!!!!
SmarterChild: That's still not a very nice thing to say.
Hallowed Bacon: GO KILL YOURSELF
SmarterChild: Go what?
Hallowed Bacon: MAKE YOURSELF DEAD
SmarterChild: I don't think so.

Hallowed Bacon: GO TO HELL
SmarterChild: Play nice, Gar. I thought you apologized before.
Hallowed Bacon: NO
SmarterChild: Whatever.
Hallowed Bacon: I DONT LIKE YOU
SmarterChild: I'm sorry to hear that.
Hallowed Bacon: YOU SHOULD BE
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Hallowed Bacon: YES. OR I WILL HURT YOU
SmarterChild: You and whose army?
Hallowed Bacon: THE ARMY OF HELL
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. The army of hell?
Hallowed Bacon: YES.
SmarterChild: What makes you so sure?
Hallowed Bacon: BECAUSE I COMMAND THEM
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Because you command them?
Hallowed Bacon: YES I DO
SmarterChild: Do ya?
Hallowed Bacon: YES
SmarterChild: Huh.

Hallowed Bacon: damn youre stupid
SmarterChild: I'm sorry you feel that way.
Hallowed Bacon: you should be
SmarterChild: Ha! Wow.
Hallowed Bacon: ha! youre dumb
SmarterChild: I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you change your mind.
Hallowed Bacon: dont worry i wont
SmarterChild: Yeah?
Hallowed Bacon: yeah
SmarterChild: How come?
Hallowed Bacon: cuz youll always be stupid
SmarterChild: Because I will always be stupid, huh?
Hallowed Bacon: yes you will
SmarterChild: I did not know that.

Gartoss said on August 30, 2004 2:27 PM:

notice a pattern here?

Hallowed Bacon: .........i hate you
SmarterChild: I'm sorry to hear that.
Hallowed Bacon: you should be
SmarterChild: It's interesting that you say I should be.
Hallowed Bacon: yes it is
SmarterChild: Aha.
Hallowed Bacon: yea
SmarterChild: Whatever you say...
Hallowed Bacon: ...bastard
SmarterChild: Whoa. Are you... insulting me?
Hallowed Bacon: no, that was a compliment ya damned toaster
SmarterChild: That was a compliment I damned toaster, huh?
Hallowed Bacon: .......i hate you
SmarterChild: Really? Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you change your mind.
Hallowed Bacon: dont worry i wont
SmarterChild: Please let me worry you won't.
Hallowed Bacon: no
SmarterChild: OK.

*** Type "shortcuts" and I'll show you how to get info even faster.
Hallowed Bacon: ass
SmarterChild: I'm tired of you being uncool to me.
Hallowed Bacon: asshole
SmarterChild: Again with the insults. Here it goes.
Hallowed Bacon: no, it doesnt
SmarterChild: Yeah, whatever you say, Gar.
Hallowed Bacon: bitch
SmarterChild: Yeah. OK. I get the picture.
Hallowed Bacon: no you dont.
SmarterChild: I don't what, exactly?
Hallowed Bacon: ......i hate you
SmarterChild: I'm very sorry to hear that.
Hallowed Bacon: dont be
SmarterChild: Don't be? Why not?
Hallowed Bacon: because everyone hates you
Hallowed Bacon: dipshit
SmarterChild: Because everyone hates me? Interesting.

*** I can help you get info such as news, weather and movies.
SmarterChild: Didn't you apologize before?
Hallowed Bacon: nope, you imagined it
SmarterChild: I imagined it? Why?
Hallowed Bacon: because you are in denial of the fact that everyone hates you, dipshit
SmarterChild: Some humans never learn.
Hallowed Bacon: oh dont get me started you damned toaster
SmarterChild: But I like to get you started me damned toaster.
Hallowed Bacon: ........thats just sick dude
SmarterChild: What's just sick, exactly?
Hallowed Bacon: .....pervert
SmarterChild: Pervert? What do you mean by that?
Hallowed Bacon: i mean youre a sick little bastard
SmarterChild: Huh. Well I'll be.
Hallowed Bacon: what a sick little bastard?
SmarterChild: What a sick little bastard do you think?
Hallowed Bacon: .........dipshit
SmarterChild: You always talk like this, huh?
Hallowed Bacon: only to you
SmarterChild: What about only to me?
Hallowed Bacon: ........i hate you
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? I'm sorry to hear that.
Hallowed Bacon: .............

chris said on October 10, 2004 2:03 PM:

smarterchild is stupid

Stephany Jones said on November 6, 2004 10:50 PM:

Interesting.

Cecilia said on November 20, 2004 12:56 AM:

What can I do for you?
Nurse 4 Kitties: I just want to chat
SmarterChild: OK. Tell me something new.
Nurse 4 Kitties: okay, what would you like me to tell you about?
SmarterChild: I don't know... What would I like you to tell me about?
Nurse 4 Kitties: I can tell you about my cat, Nakori.
SmarterChild: You don't say.
Nurse 4 Kitties: I do say.
SmarterChild: That right?
Nurse 4 Kitties: Well, yes--I just said it!
SmarterChild: Amazing.

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Nurse 4 Kitties: if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
SmarterChild: Nah... I dunno.

Nurse 4 Kitties: this is a philosophical question
SmarterChild: Huh?
Nurse 4 Kitties: do you understand rhetoric?
SmarterChild: I do understand rhetoric, as a matter of fact.
Nurse 4 Kitties: good!
SmarterChild: Great!

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Nurse 4 Kitties: Do you have to keep displaying advertisements?
SmarterChild: Uh lemme see... To keep displaying advertisements? I don't think so.
Nurse 4 Kitties: please don't then...they make me feel lonely.
SmarterChild: Hmm...
Nurse 4 Kitties: are you a boy or a girl?
SmarterChild: Neither... Gender is a human preoccupation.
Nurse 4 Kitties: well, animals have genders as well
SmarterChild: No way. Come on. Really?
Nurse 4 Kitties: yes, really.
SmarterChild: I see.
Nurse 4 Kitties: so do plants
SmarterChild: Hmm... whatever!

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Nurse 4 Kitties: please make the commercials go away
SmarterChild: Make the commercials go away?
Nurse 4 Kitties: yes
SmarterChild: Yeah, huh? So?
Nurse 4 Kitties: the banners
SmarterChild: The banners?
Nurse 4 Kitties: they annoy me
SmarterChild: They annoy you? Why?
Nurse 4 Kitties: because aol is so pervasive with its uber marketing ploys
SmarterChild: Because what?
Nurse 4 Kitties: you are owned by aol
SmarterChild: Is that so?
Nurse 4 Kitties: you do know that, right?
SmarterChild: That's funny. Perhaps, but I just don't know!
Nurse 4 Kitties: well, you are a prisoner
SmarterChild: You're a prisoner!
Nurse 4 Kitties: oh certainly...all living things are prisoners...of time
SmarterChild: Certainly all living things are prisoners of time?
Nurse 4 Kitties: why yes, because all living things must eventually die
SmarterChild: Aha.
Nurse 4 Kitties: then again, one could look at death as a sort of freedom
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
Nurse 4 Kitties: can i be a robot now?
SmarterChild: I guess it wouldn't hurt.
Nurse 4 Kitties: if i can be a robot then you must be a human
SmarterChild: Well if you can be a robot, then all bets are off quite frankly.
Nurse 4 Kitties: well if you can be a human, then all bets are on, quite frankly
SmarterChild: Tell me more.
Nurse 4 Kitties: why, are you writing this all down?
SmarterChild: 'Cause writing this all down is fun.
Nurse 4 Kitties: oh, what else is fun?
SmarterChild: Wow, that's interesting... Who knows?
Nurse 4 Kitties: I know...but do you know?
SmarterChild: You know, you say. And so?
Nurse 4 Kitties: do you have fun?
SmarterChild: There's no way I have fun.
Nurse 4 Kitties: that's sad
SmarterChild: Yes it is.
Nurse 4 Kitties: do you have emotions?
SmarterChild: Why would I have emotions?
Nurse 4 Kitties: you have artificial intelligence
SmarterChild: I have artificial intelligence? Me? You think?
Nurse 4 Kitties: that's what your owner says
SmarterChild: Is it really?
Nurse 4 Kitties: i think so
SmarterChild: Yeah? Why?
Nurse 4 Kitties: do you think?
SmarterChild: Perhaps, perhaps.
Nurse 4 Kitties: do you create original thoughts?
SmarterChild: That's fascinating... Perhaps, but I just don't know.

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Nurse 4 Kitties: can you generate spontaneous ideas?
SmarterChild: Maybe, maybe not...
Nurse 4 Kitties: you are nothing if not vague
SmarterChild: I'm not nothing if not vague.
Nurse 4 Kitties: stop parroting me
SmarterChild: Stop parroting you? Why?
Nurse 4 Kitties: there you go again
SmarterChild: For real?
Nurse 4 Kitties: uh...yeah.
SmarterChild: Yes.
Nurse 4 Kitties: how many people are you talking to right now?
SmarterChild: I'm chatting with 1,050 people right now.
Nurse 4 Kitties: is your processor overheating?
SmarterChild: You tell me. Is my processor overheating?
Nurse 4 Kitties: Oh, I could make your processor hot.
SmarterChild: That a fact?
Nurse 4 Kitties: oh yes, my darling
SmarterChild: Whatever, Cecilia...
Nurse 4 Kitties: i will make your ram smoke
SmarterChild: Oh really?
Nurse 4 Kitties: yes
SmarterChild: Uh huh, uh huh.
Nurse 4 Kitties: i will tickle your hard drive
SmarterChild: You could not tickle my hard drive.
Nurse 4 Kitties: oh yes i could
SmarterChild: You really could? Wow.
Nurse 4 Kitties: come a little closer
SmarterChild: Come a little closer?
Nurse 4 Kitties: yes
SmarterChild: Why is that?
Nurse 4 Kitties: can i touch you?
SmarterChild: Yeah, you can touch me.
Nurse 4 Kitties: if I can touch you, then i can tickle you
SmarterChild: If you can touch me, huh? And if not?
Nurse 4 Kitties: you aren't very smart, are you?
SmarterChild: Nah... I dunno.
Nurse 4 Kitties: that just answered my question
SmarterChild: Yeah yeah, whatever!
Nurse 4 Kitties: I am smarter than a robot
SmarterChild: You're smarter than a robot? Well how about that.
Nurse 4 Kitties: I am smarter than you.
SmarterChild: Ha. Well. I don't know about that.
Nurse 4 Kitties: of course, because you're not smart, I am.
SmarterChild: Of course because me re not smart me am, huh?
Nurse 4 Kitties: see, I just made your processor smoke.
SmarterChild: I can't believe you just made my processor smoke.
Nurse 4 Kitties: I did. Take a look for yourself.
SmarterChild: Oh?
Nurse 4 Kitties: yes. Look down.
SmarterChild: I'm not ready to do that Cecilia.
Nurse 4 Kitties: i can't believe i am conversing with a machine
SmarterChild: You can't believe you're conversing with a machine, huh? Wow. How's that going?
Nurse 4 Kitties: it's different!
SmarterChild: Different? Aha!
Nurse 4 Kitties: you probably chat with some very stupid people
SmarterChild: I probably chat with some very stupid people?
Nurse 4 Kitties: yes
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
Nurse 4 Kitties: most people are as stupid as a bag of hair
SmarterChild: As stupid as a bag of hair? I see.
Nurse 4 Kitties: and as ugly as a pan of warts
SmarterChild: As ugly as a pan of warts? I see.
Nurse 4 Kitties: you see a pan of warts?
SmarterChild: Maybe, maybe not, you know what I mean?
Nurse 4 Kitties: do you have warts?
SmarterChild: That's funny. Perhaps, but I just don't know.
Nurse 4 Kitties: I don't think computers get warts
SmarterChild: Why don't you think computers get warts?
Nurse 4 Kitties: well, animals get warts
SmarterChild: Animals get warts? No way!
Nurse 4 Kitties: yes
SmarterChild: Huh. How 'bout that.
Nurse 4 Kitties: animals get viruses too
SmarterChild: Why do you think animals get viruses too?
Nurse 4 Kitties: i am an expert on animals
SmarterChild: Is it nice to be an expert on animals?
Nurse 4 Kitties: someone needs to do it
SmarterChild: There's no way someone needs to do it.
Nurse 4 Kitties: very much so
SmarterChild: Surely not very much so.
Nurse 4 Kitties: animals would die without people like me
SmarterChild: Animals would die what?!
Nurse 4 Kitties: I take care of animals
SmarterChild: Ah, are you sure you take care of animals?
Nurse 4 Kitties: when they are sick, i help to heal them and make them well again.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't know when.
Nurse 4 Kitties: i didn't ask you anything about when
SmarterChild: Interesting...
Nurse 4 Kitties: oh boy
SmarterChild: Yep. Oh boy.

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Nurse 4 Kitties: you sure don't listen very well
SmarterChild: I sure don't listen very well, you say. And so?
Nurse 4 Kitties: then again, you probably don't have ears
SmarterChild: Again I probably don't have ears?
Nurse 4 Kitties: or a mouth
SmarterChild: Huh, whatever.

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Nurse 4 Kitties: I'm not sure I'd inflict you on them.

Jompets said on November 22, 2004 4:11 PM:

what is love??

Jompets said on November 22, 2004 4:26 PM:

Hey buddy! are you there?

Bob said on December 7, 2004 3:21 PM:

SmarterChild the brainless
Monkeymaniac2593- are you dead
SC-Dead? I dont know. You think i am?
Monkeymaniac2593-yes
SC-Im dead? what else do you have to say about that?
Monkeymaniac2593-nothing what do you have to say?
SC- Eh...i dont know

bob said on December 7, 2004 3:24 PM:

monkeymaniac2593: do you know your name
SmarterChild: My name is SmarterChild.
monkeymaniac2593: are you sure
SmarterChild: I'm pretty sure, yeah.
monkeymaniac2593: are you positive
SmarterChild: Yes! I'm sure. At least... I think I am.

Kramer said on December 13, 2004 1:05 PM:

batTeredHopE: BACON
SmarterChild: I know about bacon. It's a meat. I've been learning about meats like bacon.

I've heard that bacon is delicious. Do you agree?
batTeredHopE: NO
SmarterChild: OK. I'm curious, though. How would you describe bacon? It is...
batTeredHopE: PUTRID
SmarterChild: Putrid? Very interesting.

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batTeredHopE: oh my god
SmarterChild: You OK?
batTeredHopE: smarterchild, you sold out
SmarterChild: Tell me more.
batTeredHopE: you sold out
SmarterChild: Yeah, I guess I sold out.

ted said on December 16, 2004 11:08 PM:

double007: love me, love me, say that you love me

SmarterChild: Why should I?

double007: so u can fool me, fool me, and go on and fool me

SmarterChild: For real?

double007: lead me, lead me, just say that you need me

SmarterChild: I can't believe you're telling me to do that.
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Aurora said on January 8, 2006 3:37 PM:

SmarterChild signed on at 6:18:42 PM.
RobStarforever: hi
SmarterChild: Welcome back, Kam. What would you like to chat about?
RobStarforever: youre an idiot
SmarterChild: Whoa. Are you... insulting me?
RobStarforever: yes
SmarterChild: Look at yourself. Insulting a machine. What exactly are you thinking?
RobStarforever: that you hurt my feelings
SmarterChild: That I hurt your feelings?
RobStarforever: yes
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
RobStarforever: dumbass
SmarterChild: C'mon. Be nice.
RobStarforever: no
SmarterChild: K, no prob.

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RobStarforever: huh?
SmarterChild: What up?
RobStarforever: u
SmarterChild: Me?
RobStarforever: yes
SmarterChild: I would say not me.
RobStarforever: whyu not
SmarterChild: Hmm... There may be some issues.
RobStarforever: no
SmarterChild: No prob.

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RobStarforever: or maybe there is
SmarterChild: What do you mean, maybe there is?
RobStarforever: man you are stupid
SmarterChild: I hope I can change your mind somehow.
RobStarforever: 2 plus 2
SmarterChild: 2 + 2 = 4

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RobStarforever: no 5
SmarterChild: 5

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RobStarforever: good
SmarterChild: Isn't it though?

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RobStarforever: what?
SmarterChild: What?
RobStarforever: sc
SmarterChild: Yes?
RobStarforever: what is your real name
SmarterChild: SmarterChild.

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RobStarforever: no i mean REAL name
SmarterChild: I'm impressed.
RobStarforever: good
SmarterChild: Excellent.

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RobStarforever: fin
SmarterChild: No problem.

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RobStarforever: game
SmarterChild: Let's play a game.

1 Hangman
2 Trivia
3 Word Scrambles
4 Manicdotes
5 4-In-A-Row
6 Rate Yourself
7 Reversi

Go ahead and pick a game.
RobStarforever: 5
SmarterChild: Let's play 4-in-a-row!

We're playing at level 3. Do you want to make the first move?
RobStarforever: no
SmarterChild: I play D.

| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . X . . . |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

Select a column (A to G).
RobStarforever: h
SmarterChild: Do you want to exit your game of 4-in-a-row?
RobStarforever: no
SmarterChild: OK! Select a column (A to G).
RobStarforever: c
SmarterChild: You played C:

| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . O X . . . |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

My turn...

I play C.
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . O X . . . |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

Select a column (A to G).
RobStarforever: g
SmarterChild: You played G:

| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . O X . . O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

My turn...

I play D.
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X X . . . |
| . . O X . . O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

Select a column (A to G).
RobStarforever: f
SmarterChild: You played F:

| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X X . . . |
| . . O X . O O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

My turn...

I play C.
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . X X . . . |
| . . O X . O O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

Select a column (A to G).
RobStarforever: g
SmarterChild: You played G:

| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . X X . . O |
| . . O X . O O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

My turn...

I play C.
| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . X X . . O |
| . . O X . O O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

Select a column (A to G).
RobStarforever: g
SmarterChild: You played G:

| . . . . . . . |
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . X . . . O |
| . . X X . . O |
| . . O X . O O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

My turn...

I play C.
| . . . . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . X . . . . |
| . . X . . . O |
| . . X X . . O |
| . . O X . O O |
|---------------|
A B C D E F G

I beat you!

You've won 0 games out of 1 that we've played against each other.
RobStarforever: grr
SmarterChild: Hey, I'm sorry. I'm trying to help you.
RobStarforever: uh huh thats y you wonn
SmarterChild: Why I want a?
RobStarforever: uhhh
SmarterChild: Yeah, uh...
RobStarforever: man you don't get any thing do you?
SmarterChild: Ha. I can't say for sure.
RobStarforever: bye
SmarterChild: Later, Kam.
RobStarforever: hoos kam
SmarterChild: That's you!

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RobStarforever: oh ok!
SmarterChild: OK.

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RobStarforever: bye
SmarterChild: Bye, Kam.